Think about any disagreements, or
conflicts, you have recently experienced or are currently experiencing at work
with a supervisor or colleague, or someone in your personal life. Share at
least two strategies you have learned about that might help you manage or
resolve the conflict more productively, and why these strategies might be
effective. For example, could you suggest a compromise? Could you look for a
broader range of solutions to your disagreement? Could you use some of the
principles of nonviolent communication or the 3 R's to better help you resolve
this conflict?
One conflict that I experienced recently
is within my personal life. My husband
and I are in the process of moving across the country, and we left our condo in
San Diego yesterday to head to Washington, DC.
After reading the resources for this past week I feel that I have
applied some of the strategies. One of
the articles I read from the Center of Nonviolent Communication suggests not
just saying “no,” but instead thinking about, processing and even discussing it
if possible with the other person with whom you are communicating why you
cannot say “yes.” I used this strategy
as we were working on getting all the things done for our move. I was very busy and my husband asked if I
could do something else, instead of just saying “no,” I stopped myself and
thought of why I could not say “yes.” I
told my husband why and he responded “ok, I can run a different errand if you
need more time.” The communication was
very pleasant and he came up with an idea that I had not thought about.
Another strategy that we used was
compromise as we decided on only driving one of our cars across the country so
we could drive together. Since we will
not have our household goods for over a month, we needed to work together to
figure out what we had to take and what would fit in the car. We picked out our “must haves” which included
my laptop to be able to keep up with school work, my husband’s uniforms for his
job, room for our dog and our everyday clothes.
After we figured out how much room was left in the car we had enough
room for both of us to have a small box of our own things that we didn’t necessarily
need but that we wanted to have with us.
Gary Baran & CNVC, 2004, 10 Things We Can Do to
Contribute to Internal, Interpersonal, and Organizational Peace. Retrieved from
http://www.cnvc.org/Training/10-steps-peace
O'Hair, D., Wiemann, M., Mullin, D. I., & Teven, J. (2015). Real communication (3rd. ed). New
York: Bedford/St. Martin's.
The Center for Nonviolent Communication. (n.d.). The center
for nonviolent communication. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org/
Jill,it sound like you and your husband have a great relationship he didn't get upset with you when you didn't say yes and he came up with an idea that work for the both of you now that is what you call working out a conflict before it get to be a conflict. Thank you for share this with us if we had more people like you and your husband the world would be in a better place.
ReplyDeleteJill,
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you used the example of your husband. I almost did, too. God knows it's hard to communicate with our partners sometimes, because they tend to get under our skin the most. It is so tempting to just call mine an asshole sometimes, but instead doing things like you did with your husband makes things a lot easier. True to the predictions made by our course material, using such tactics ultimately leads us to be a better, stronger couple, even though in the moment it takes more effort to not just say 'no'. I'm glad what we learned was able to help you in such an important relationship in your life.
Hi Jill,
ReplyDeleteI have found that this strategy works very well in the home and that it keeps all members of the family in a more positive outlook rather than getting angry when we hear, before even finishing our statement, "no"!
I think this is entirely what the writers of Nonviolent communication wanted when they introduced this concept. additionally, it makes us all release more endorphin (which is in my opinion) the hormone that when secreted makes you happy and do not even consider the fact that you can be upset or worst over the same artist.
Thank you for sharing
~Debbie-Ann
Jill
ReplyDeleteYou did right. Too often we start talking without thinking things through. When we listen, think and then speak it would be so much better. Also we have to keep an opened mind about the any situation and deal with them in a calmly sensible manner. Great post!!